[it's hard enough for him to try and sort through his own feelings about the situation, let alone try to deal with whatever it is heung soo's thinking right now. there are too many fears laced within his own feelings. there's even that sense of regret for acting on what he felt that day... even if he had no control over it.
no matter how many times he thinks about it, he can't really sort out which feelings belonged to him and which belongs to whatever messed with him. it all feels to hazy and unclear; his normal feelings about protecting heung soo from danger seem to meld with a strange want for something else and that in itself is enough for him to completely want to shut his mind down and let things go completely. he wants to ignore it for as long as he can, because facing the consequences, whatever they may be, is a lot more terrifying.
was he alone in this lingering feeling? would they be unable to get past their strange actions? would they somehow end up at odds once again? if that happens, he'll really be alone this time, and that thought repeats so often than nam soon simply can't deal with it. just like he did for the three years after the incident, he's just completely shutting down and closing himself off. even though part of him knows that it'll accomplish nothing and it's a step backwards... it's a mechanism of self-defense he can't seem to overcome.]
I always sleep when I'm tired. Stop making a big deal out of it. [he sighs a little, but it's forced, lacking the same kind of exasperation it would normally have. e even if it's an attempt at teasing as he always did, it comes out as forced as heung soo sounds grumpy. it's blatantly obvious on both ends—they're both awkward and at odds about what this means.] Tch... Dramatic.
[he says, as he still can even bring himself to turn around and look heung soo in the eye. the pot is definitely calling the kettle black right now.]
no subject
no matter how many times he thinks about it, he can't really sort out which feelings belonged to him and which belongs to whatever messed with him. it all feels to hazy and unclear; his normal feelings about protecting heung soo from danger seem to meld with a strange want for something else and that in itself is enough for him to completely want to shut his mind down and let things go completely. he wants to ignore it for as long as he can, because facing the consequences, whatever they may be, is a lot more terrifying.
was he alone in this lingering feeling? would they be unable to get past their strange actions? would they somehow end up at odds once again? if that happens, he'll really be alone this time, and that thought repeats so often than nam soon simply can't deal with it. just like he did for the three years after the incident, he's just completely shutting down and closing himself off. even though part of him knows that it'll accomplish nothing and it's a step backwards... it's a mechanism of self-defense he can't seem to overcome.]
I always sleep when I'm tired. Stop making a big deal out of it. [he sighs a little, but it's forced, lacking the same kind of exasperation it would normally have. e even if it's an attempt at teasing as he always did, it comes out as forced as heung soo sounds grumpy. it's blatantly obvious on both ends—they're both awkward and at odds about what this means.] Tch... Dramatic.
[he says, as he still can even bring himself to turn around and look heung soo in the eye. the pot is definitely calling the kettle black right now.]