[when it comes to heung soo, his worries always run deep. he spent the better part of three years worrying about every aspect of that guy: had his leg recovered at all? did he go back to a gang? finish middle school? get accepted to high school? did he still watch the world cup alone? was his sister making sure he ate well? would they ever meet again, and could things ever be repaired?
they were questions he thought about and asked so much that they invaded his dreams; they always turned to nightmares. heung soo's worrying tendencies had rubbed off on him a lot in that way, so he can't help but let it be his job to worry. after fucking everything up so badly that night, how is he supposed to not be concerned about fuckups? even when things are going smooth, he fears being left alone again, even if all they have here and now is each other.
still though, there is relief that comes from those words. they still have a lot to work through—they did before the pulse incident, and now more things are just being piled on, but hearing that somehow eases his heart just a little. heung soo always did keep that promise, after all... so even now. even when things are endlessly strange, and when he doesn't even know what his own heart wants, he can count on that.
it causes him to dip his head as he sniffles, purposely avoiding his friend's gaze as he uses the back of his hand to wipe the already fallen tears. keeping his composure is hard; the anxiety he'd been feeling over this situation is overwhelming enough, heung soo's words only pile on the emotions.]
You worry enough for the both of us. [he manages the weak snark, but he never really denies at all how much he's worried about this situation. the difference is that he allowed himself to shut down again. rather than push forward like he did every day from the moment heung soo stepped foot in seungri. he regressed, and there's a guilt from that alone that makes it hard for him to look heung soo in the eyes. he feels as if he's failed here, that his resolve got lost in the confusion, the guilt, and the worry.]
What comes next. That's... [he trails off. what they need to figure out? probably, but he isn't sure those are the right words. he just knows that he doesn't want to lose his friend, and he doesn't want things to change to something unrecognizable. even if heung soo is promising not to leave, and even if he's making a silent agreement to not run away either, that doesn't answer much else.
what does his heart want? what does heung soo's heart want? he doesn't even know how to address something like that. it's not something he thought about before, so starting now is difficult. kissing, intimacy, dating—he didn't think about it with girls, so why would he have with another guy? with heung soo, he thought about eating ramen and laying around while reading comics and playing mmos at a pc room... not that. he doesn't doesn't know where to start with anything relating to intimacy, even if there's no doubt in his mind that there is nobody more important to him than his best friend.
no subject
they were questions he thought about and asked so much that they invaded his dreams; they always turned to nightmares. heung soo's worrying tendencies had rubbed off on him a lot in that way, so he can't help but let it be his job to worry. after fucking everything up so badly that night, how is he supposed to not be concerned about fuckups? even when things are going smooth, he fears being left alone again, even if all they have here and now is each other.
still though, there is relief that comes from those words. they still have a lot to work through—they did before the pulse incident, and now more things are just being piled on, but hearing that somehow eases his heart just a little. heung soo always did keep that promise, after all... so even now. even when things are endlessly strange, and when he doesn't even know what his own heart wants, he can count on that.
it causes him to dip his head as he sniffles, purposely avoiding his friend's gaze as he uses the back of his hand to wipe the already fallen tears. keeping his composure is hard; the anxiety he'd been feeling over this situation is overwhelming enough, heung soo's words only pile on the emotions.]
You worry enough for the both of us. [he manages the weak snark, but he never really denies at all how much he's worried about this situation. the difference is that he allowed himself to shut down again. rather than push forward like he did every day from the moment heung soo stepped foot in seungri. he regressed, and there's a guilt from that alone that makes it hard for him to look heung soo in the eyes. he feels as if he's failed here, that his resolve got lost in the confusion, the guilt, and the worry.]
What comes next. That's... [he trails off. what they need to figure out? probably, but he isn't sure those are the right words. he just knows that he doesn't want to lose his friend, and he doesn't want things to change to something unrecognizable. even if heung soo is promising not to leave, and even if he's making a silent agreement to not run away either, that doesn't answer much else.
what does his heart want? what does heung soo's heart want? he doesn't even know how to address something like that. it's not something he thought about before, so starting now is difficult. kissing, intimacy, dating—he didn't think about it with girls, so why would he have with another guy? with heung soo, he thought about eating ramen and laying around while reading comics and playing mmos at a pc room... not that. he doesn't doesn't know where to start with anything relating to intimacy, even if there's no doubt in his mind that there is nobody more important to him than his best friend.
...where do they go from there?]