[this has been nothing short of the scariest—or maybe second scariest—experience of nam soon's life.
the feeling of sound leaving his ears had been scary enough; that alone put him into an instant state of panic, having called out heung soo's name over and over without actually being able to hear it. but when he was met with nothing more than the sight of heung soo smiling and walking out the door without ever looking back? it was terrifying in every regard. it reduced nam soon to practically nothing in an instant—seeing the person most important to him leaving without looking back in what felt like his darkest hour...
well, he can't say it didn't feel deserved, but that doesn't mean it hurt any less. in that moment, nam soon had been able to feel exactly what heung soo must have that night, three and a half years ago, and he could feel nothing but a crushing weight on him as a result. he'd felt sick and simultaneously dead, as if that catatonic state he'd allowed himself to live in following that time.
the silence would have been deafening if not for the fact that nam soon couldn't hear anything but his own thoughts. the world was silent, and as far as he knew, he was completely alone. he couldn't even understand it. why had heung soo left? why then, at that moment, and why with no explanation? what had happened? much like a lost little kid, he'd sat in the corner of the room with an endless stream of hot tears rolling down his cheeks, but completely silent, otherwise. he couldn't hear heung soo's voice—or anything else, for that matter.
when he finally was informed of what was happening, it didn't change all that much. sure, he was able to calm himself a bit, the crying subsided, though the anxiety didn't. he spoke words to heung soo that he couldn't even hear, and waiting for responses that he couldn't hear. it was absolutely hell, even when he knew that heung soo was probably right there with him, the fear never left. so it wasn't of any comfort at all when the sounds slowly found their way to his ears again. buzzes, humming, the mechanical whirring of the kitchen appliances...
...and his own voice calling out for heung soo. he's now met with silence though, and it doesn't make things any better, not in the least. had []he been lied to? had heung soo really not been there all along? he isn't sure at all, and nam soon finds himself pulling his knees to his chest, resting his forehead atop them as he takes in deep and quiet breaths. this is absolutely traumatizing in ways that nobody but heung soo could understand.
so when he hears the frantic sound of the door opening followed by an equally frantic heung soo—a tone he hasn't heard since the day they got locked in the storage shed—it grabs his attention immediately.]
Heung Soo-yah... [he says it in a barely audible tone, shock coming before anything else. after getting his hearing back to silence, it's the most welcome, necessary sound for nam soon. he can hardly even bring himself to stand; he's weak from having barely eaten or slept (strange enough for him, but when the world is in a terrifying silence, it's hard to sleep), and maybe a bit from the surprise. nam soon is shaky on his feet as he drags himself in line of sight with the entrance of the apartment, and the shock hasn't subsided at all yet.]
Heung Soo-yah.... [he repeats again, louder. everything about it screams out all the vulnerabilities nam soon always tries to hold back. it's how much he worries about heung soo leaving, how much he hates being alone, and how relieved he is to see and hear heung soo again. but he doesn't move, he just stands there on shaky legs, staring from across the room and somehow managing to feel guilty from the sound of worry in heung soo's voice alone.
yeah, this has definitely been one of the worst weeks in his life, and that's saying a lot with all the shit he's been through these last nineteen years.]
no subject
the feeling of sound leaving his ears had been scary enough; that alone put him into an instant state of panic, having called out heung soo's name over and over without actually being able to hear it. but when he was met with nothing more than the sight of heung soo smiling and walking out the door without ever looking back? it was terrifying in every regard. it reduced nam soon to practically nothing in an instant—seeing the person most important to him leaving without looking back in what felt like his darkest hour...
well, he can't say it didn't feel deserved, but that doesn't mean it hurt any less. in that moment, nam soon had been able to feel exactly what heung soo must have that night, three and a half years ago, and he could feel nothing but a crushing weight on him as a result. he'd felt sick and simultaneously dead, as if that catatonic state he'd allowed himself to live in following that time.
the silence would have been deafening if not for the fact that nam soon couldn't hear anything but his own thoughts. the world was silent, and as far as he knew, he was completely alone. he couldn't even understand it. why had heung soo left? why then, at that moment, and why with no explanation? what had happened? much like a lost little kid, he'd sat in the corner of the room with an endless stream of hot tears rolling down his cheeks, but completely silent, otherwise. he couldn't hear heung soo's voice—or anything else, for that matter.
when he finally was informed of what was happening, it didn't change all that much. sure, he was able to calm himself a bit, the crying subsided, though the anxiety didn't. he spoke words to heung soo that he couldn't even hear, and waiting for responses that he couldn't hear. it was absolutely hell, even when he knew that heung soo was probably right there with him, the fear never left. so it wasn't of any comfort at all when the sounds slowly found their way to his ears again. buzzes, humming, the mechanical whirring of the kitchen appliances...
...and his own voice calling out for heung soo. he's now met with silence though, and it doesn't make things any better, not in the least. had []he been lied to? had heung soo really not been there all along? he isn't sure at all, and nam soon finds himself pulling his knees to his chest, resting his forehead atop them as he takes in deep and quiet breaths. this is absolutely traumatizing in ways that nobody but heung soo could understand.
so when he hears the frantic sound of the door opening followed by an equally frantic heung soo—a tone he hasn't heard since the day they got locked in the storage shed—it grabs his attention immediately.]
Heung Soo-yah... [he says it in a barely audible tone, shock coming before anything else. after getting his hearing back to silence, it's the most welcome, necessary sound for nam soon. he can hardly even bring himself to stand; he's weak from having barely eaten or slept (strange enough for him, but when the world is in a terrifying silence, it's hard to sleep), and maybe a bit from the surprise. nam soon is shaky on his feet as he drags himself in line of sight with the entrance of the apartment, and the shock hasn't subsided at all yet.]
Heung Soo-yah.... [he repeats again, louder. everything about it screams out all the vulnerabilities nam soon always tries to hold back. it's how much he worries about heung soo leaving, how much he hates being alone, and how relieved he is to see and hear heung soo again. but he doesn't move, he just stands there on shaky legs, staring from across the room and somehow managing to feel guilty from the sound of worry in heung soo's voice alone.
yeah, this has definitely been one of the worst weeks in his life, and that's saying a lot with all the shit he's been through these last nineteen years.]