[he hears it. of course he hears it. how could he miss the fact that as neutral as he's trying to sound, there's hurt in his tone. and of course he's hurting... nam soon's not stupid enough to have missed that.
things have been so stiff and awkward as they try to avoid every semblance of conversation about what happened... and given how things went three years ago, and in the months leading up to now, doesn't it make sense? he knows.. he knows all too well that heung soo would be hurt by this kind of avoidance.
idiot. nam soon can't help but remind himself that he's an idiot. aren't they both worrying about the exact same thing right now? worrying that things will change, worrying that they won't be able to repair the friendship they'd mended, worrying about what it all really means. worrying what the other thinks of the situation, if perceptions will change. he's not alone in this. he's never been alone in this situation, because heung soo has always thought the same way about their friendship. it's only ever been his own fault when heung soo misunderstood him.
...does he want that to happen now? if nam soon keeps quiet, if he keeps sweeping this situation under the rug... does he want that result? it'll never go away and only serve to further drive the wedge between them that's making his elephant take up the whole room.
it's amazing to nam soon how easily his own thoughts can betray him, and how his own insecurities can make him forget these things. it's also amazing how it only takes a few words and shift in tone from heung too to have everything be forced into perspective. he's an idiot. a moron. truly a dumb bastard who was about ready to throw away everything all over again by complete accident and neglect.
neglect is probably one of the only things he's really good at, and it's not a favorable trait to carry.]
Aigoo... [he sighs, wincing to himself (which thankfully, heung soo can't see) before he turns around.]
I'm facing you. Happy now? [he's doing his best to try and keep casual, to keep that sense of neutrality, if only so that emotions don't go overboard... but his expression betrays him in that regard. it's probably plain to see that nam soon's blaming himself internally, that he's awkward and unsure, and that facing this situation makes him as uncomfortable as it does upset.
he's not even sure which part he fucked up more at this point. was it being the one to initiate the kiss? was it avoiding it all this time? is it trying to face this problem now, when tensions are so high? it's a mystery. he doesn't know... he never knows, when it comes to this stuff.]
no subject
things have been so stiff and awkward as they try to avoid every semblance of conversation about what happened... and given how things went three years ago, and in the months leading up to now, doesn't it make sense? he knows.. he knows all too well that heung soo would be hurt by this kind of avoidance.
idiot. nam soon can't help but remind himself that he's an idiot. aren't they both worrying about the exact same thing right now? worrying that things will change, worrying that they won't be able to repair the friendship they'd mended, worrying about what it all really means. worrying what the other thinks of the situation, if perceptions will change. he's not alone in this. he's never been alone in this situation, because heung soo has always thought the same way about their friendship. it's only ever been his own fault when heung soo misunderstood him.
...does he want that to happen now? if nam soon keeps quiet, if he keeps sweeping this situation under the rug... does he want that result? it'll never go away and only serve to further drive the wedge between them that's making his elephant take up the whole room.
it's amazing to nam soon how easily his own thoughts can betray him, and how his own insecurities can make him forget these things. it's also amazing how it only takes a few words and shift in tone from heung too to have everything be forced into perspective. he's an idiot. a moron. truly a dumb bastard who was about ready to throw away everything all over again by complete accident and neglect.
neglect is probably one of the only things he's really good at, and it's not a favorable trait to carry.]
Aigoo... [he sighs, wincing to himself (which thankfully, heung soo can't see) before he turns around.]
I'm facing you. Happy now? [he's doing his best to try and keep casual, to keep that sense of neutrality, if only so that emotions don't go overboard... but his expression betrays him in that regard. it's probably plain to see that nam soon's blaming himself internally, that he's awkward and unsure, and that facing this situation makes him as uncomfortable as it does upset.
he's not even sure which part he fucked up more at this point. was it being the one to initiate the kiss? was it avoiding it all this time? is it trying to face this problem now, when tensions are so high? it's a mystery. he doesn't know... he never knows, when it comes to this stuff.]