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go "phd in napping" nam soon (고남순) ([personal profile] unpresidential) wrote2014-08-12 11:24 pm
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unathletic: (i swear i have nothing to prove)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-11-23 01:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[ At least this way it's obvious. Not that it wasn't already - Heung Soo knows Nam Soon well enough to, this time without misunderstandings, know what's going through his mind. Of course Nam Soon was using all the sleeping as a way to avoid him the easiest without making things even more awkward than they already were. Of course Nam Soon was just as confused and awkward about this as he is.

But he does know one thing. Or two, rather. He knows that he himself liked it and that's exactly what makes the whole deal so confusing and awkward for him to begin with. But even though he wasn't sure if Nam Soon felt the way about it, he knows now. It's pretty simple, but it's mostly since he knows his best friend so well that he can tell just why he must be feeling the same.

It's since he's not apologizing. Heung Soo can see the other guy is blaming himself, but even so, he's not apologizing. Not the way he did back when they reunited and Nam Soon was following him around like some lapdog and it annoyed him to hell and back since he misunderstood it.. so in that case, even though he must be regretting part of it (that it even happened, that it got so awkward between them, just like Heung Soo is doing) he must not have disliked the entire experience either.

It eases his heart a little bit. Not that it makes it easy in any form to approach any part of the topic, but at least he knows it means it's not something that will drive them apart completely once more. It'll still be them, so it's alright. They just have to find a way to tackle the awkwardness, as hard as it is.

.. And honestly, maybe it was a mistake to ask Nam Soon to face him, because it's even harder to say this when the other is directly looking at him. But Heung Soo doesn't want to turn around and be the avoidant one now, so instead he just sucks in a deep breath (trying to shake off the emotions) before glancing at the floor with a frown. ]


Yeah. Stop avoiding me. [ That's what he already said, but what he means to say is-- ] ... I'm not going anywhere either.

[ They won't lose their bond, that's what he wants to believe in - that's the part that's more important than anything else. ]
Edited 2014-11-23 13:14 (UTC)
unathletic: (and takes too long)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-11-24 11:08 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He stays quiet for a bit. Mostly to let the full impact of the words sink in with the other guy. Because it's true - he does mean a lot more with those words than they might imply at first glance, but they've always been good at understanding each other without saying to say a whole lot.

He's not going anywhere, he's not leaving Nam Soon like he was probably fearing.. there's no way he could do that to begin with. Even though he had been a little more functioning than the other guy in the years they were apart, he was still a mess compared to before. He only bothered graduating middle school and moving onto high school since he couldn't let down his family - but very quickly, his family turned into just his sister, and then the anger and bitterness and frustration just kept growing until he ironically enough was the one who got into trouble with the police.

Just because he couldn't deal with the hole that bastard left behind.

So leaving is not even an option right now. Sure, they have even more to work through now than before, but.. they'll find a way. Somehow. Because Heung Soo can't accept any other alternative for himself. He can't imagine himself in a future where he isn't still hanging out with Nam Soon.

It's more scary than anything else to him, too.

Honestly, he's not as prone to crying.. but it always happens like this. Nam Soon starts making that sort of face, the tears start to spill, and that's always when Heung Soo starts feeling his eyes get a little bit wet as well despite everything.

When Nam Soon says his name like that, Heung Soo glances off to the side for a moment, sucking in a breath with a sniff and moving his hand up to rub at the corners of his eyes, as if he's trying to get rid of his own tears before they fall as well. Seriously, this bastard, always reducing him to this..

After another breath, he dares to assume his voice is steady enough to at least speak up. ]


Don't act like it's such a big deal. I promised a long time ago.

[ Not so directly, but.. it's what that promise meant to him, so it might help get rid of some of Nam Soon's fears to actually hear that out loud.

They're always going to be like this. Even when weird shit happens in this place that he too doesn't know how to sort out easily.. they'll always be like this. ]


So.. stop worrying so much, Nam Soon-ah.

[ Isn't that supposed to be his job, you dumb bastard? ]
unathletic: (looked out for me)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-11-26 10:03 pm (UTC)(link)
[ What comes next.. well, that's the hardest part. Even if Nam Soon doesn't say it out loud, he knows just as well what the next part is.. it's what happened between the two of them, and what they feel about it, and how they're going to file it away.

Which is, admittantly, even harder than making Nam Soon stop avoiding and dodging things as a way of coping for once. If not just because he's still not sure about it either. It's nothing he thought about, nothing that crossed his mind - not with Nam Soon, but surely never really with girls or.. well, anything normal either, it just had never been a concern of his. But he also knows that he didn't dislike the feeling. How much of that was the effects of whatever had gotten into them and how much it were his own feelings.. he can't be sure about that.

.. he does know though that the message on the CereVice pissed him off. Even though it was just dumb spam. Because, after that, after everything in their friendship, the idea of Nam Soon doing that stuff with some girl..

It feels awkward, somehow. It annoys him, somehow. Isn't that how this conversation started to begin with? ]


.. like you said. This place screwed with our heads. [ It's an undeniable fact that something else was driving them, like some sort of haze. That's the easy part, it's just a fact. The hard part is admitting just how much may have been their own emotions - or rather, the hard part is realising just what part of it was more something coming from them personally. ] It's awkward.

But...

[ God, why is he the one who has to do this. It's not like either of them are good at it, but he's not the one who can be all embarrassing and write a poem saying he wants to eat ramen and then look all happy when the other writes the same?! He's just not good at admitting it first, so it doesn't come out easily when he has to figure out both a way to not make it sound too embarrassing and a way that makes sense with what he feels. As far as he can figure that out, anyway. ]

... I don't regret it. I guess.

[ It's hard to puzzle his feelings together, but he thinks that's right. Probably. He feels awkward looking back on it, since it's not supposed to be normal, since he never even imagined anything like that with Nam Soon, no matter how important the other is to him.

But he doesn't feel bad about it. He doesn't find himself thinking back on it and hating it or even disliking it. Being that close with Nam Soon, even if it was in a more extreme fashion than usually.. it wasn't too bad, even if it's awkward trying to come to terms with that fact. ]
unathletic: (and we'll all float on okay)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-01 11:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[ At least he doesn't really blame Nam Soon for looking away.. despite both of them not regretting what happened, it's still a little embarrassing, after all. Especially to talk about and put into words afterwards, so there's something actually a little easier about not directly having to face each other with their gazes.

Heung Soo shifts just a little bit.

Nam Soon says he can't throw him away. It was a little bit obvious on a more general friendship level before - even when Heung Soo transferred and wanted nothing to do with this new Nam Soon who seemed nothing like his best friend, Nam Soon always persued him, bought him books, gave him lunch, did just about anything to try and reconcile things, no matter how many times Heung Soo rejected it or pushed back. Back then, he had been the one throwing it away. Although it had felt like Nam Soon was the first one to throw it away to begin with - three years ago, when he walked away from the hospital. When he wasn't in his house anymore by the time Heung Soo got discharged. It kept lingering in the back of his mind, and after they slowly did start reconciling.. well, it always stayed in the back of his mind. The fear that no matter how close they got once more, something like that could happen again. Nam Soon could walk away again.

And he almost did over this - not physically, but.. avoiding him like that, sleeping so much, being so quiet, it felt like it.

But when he's saying these words now, it's almost like the Nam Soon from back then is turning around and walking into the hospital after all.

The past can't be changed, but their present.. there's nothing that could put Heung Soo's heart at ease more than those words.

They both don't regret what happened, they don't want to stop being friends over it - and they don't even really want to lose what happened, on top of it. They feel the same, that's for sure now, so at least there's nothing to be scared about anymore.

Heung Soo picks up the CereVice he dropped on the ground earlier, turning it over in his hands, a small almost-smile appearing on his face at the sheer relief he's feeling. That's right, what did that stupid spam matter - Nam Soon was and is the most important person to him, and he's the most important person to Nam Soon. And if this is not going to change that, then nothing is. ]


Then stop being so worried.

[ Sure, they may not entirely know how to go from here yet, or how to deal with any of this.. but their worst fear about is has been taken away, so it's somethng they'll figure out as they go along. They've always been a lot better at that rather than pre-planning things or talking it out fully. ]

.. We'll figure it out. [ They have enough issues already, anyway.. not knowing how to deal with wanting to kiss your bastard best friend or how to go about doing so can just be something to slowly figure out too. Somehow. It's not like this is some sort of sappy kdrama love line. ]
unathletic: (then it's a guy i don't know.)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-03 11:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Don't remind him. If only because while he could make that admission just now - as embarrassing as it was for him too, honestly - he doesn't know how to even start about this. He can figure out his feelings about them rolling across the floor kissing as that he doesn't regret it, sure, but.. this is something else entirely. He doesn't fully get why it pisses him off so much, it just does. And it's not even his usual overprotectiveness when it comes to Nam Soon and his punk ways, since it's not like there's anything inherently bad about spam.

It's just annoying.

So Heung Soo frowns. It's not really angry, per se - if anything, he looks more like he just can't find worse whatsoever right now. But they've usually communicated better without them, so he just gives up when nothing comes to him after a moment or two. ]


I was just annoyed. [ That's the only way he can sum it up, since it's the only thing he knows to be a fact. He saw that spam, and he felt annoyed as hell - no lie about it.

He holds out the device with a "catch" sort of motion before really throwing it in Nam Soon's direction. He waits for a moment until the other catches it, but then continues.. mostly to distract everything from his own issue here, since if Nam Soon wants to properly catch it, he'll need to let go of his ears.

And Heung Soo does recognize the quirk - how could he not, after spending so much of his life by this bastard's side? ]


... Aigoo. [ Yeah, that's totally the sign that he sure saw that. At least now they both have equally embarrassing things going on here, even as Heung Soo's not moving from his sitting position against the wall. ]
unathletic: (there are beads that wrap)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-06 09:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Who am I usually supposed to get emails from, you bastard?

[ It's not like he had.. friends... the whole 3 years they were separated, after all. Not even his soccer team mates, since he honestly just didn't want to have to do anything at all anymore with the sport.. at best the people who contacted him were only the school for messages related to that and his older sister.

(Not that it means he doesn't know what spam is, he's just trying to avoid answering that question he can't word an answer to like this. Sure, that really was like one of those spam emails advertising porn or dating sites, but.. aish.

Falling in their usual routine just feels a lot easier.) ]


At least I'm not the one here sitting with ears that look like it's freezing. [ YES, HE CAUGHT ON.. and he - of all people - knows very well what it means, so if he has to mask his own embarrassment with Nam Soon's, then he'll gladly do so as an escape. ]
unathletic: (so i was lost go count the cost)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-09 11:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[ See, this is much better. Even if it's as dumb of a gesture as throwing a pillow like that.. it feels like the tension between the two of them from a moment ago has cleared up. Sure, there's still some awkward stuff about the incident that they haven't really fully breached, but.. they accepted the core of it, and that means they're alright enough again to no longer be avoiding each other and instead mess around like usually.

That's well worth a pillow to the head, and Heung Soo makes no real movement to try and dodge it anyway - instead he just laughs. A little bit, sure, but it's a real laugh. Whether it's out of sheer relief that they managed to get past this roadblock or because Nam Soon's embarrassment is so funny - who knows. But his chest feels strangely light with this weight lifted off it, and he's already picking up the pillow and actually getting up in order to be able to walk over to Nam Soon and twap him over the head with it as well.

It's not often that he gets the upper hand in teasing, okay, let him enjoy this moment of victory. At least he seems happy, that's already more than most of the usual expressions that can be found on his face.. ]
unathletic: (if you'd only had)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-11 08:49 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Okay, now that reaction is even more amusing. And it feels so stupidly familiar, so stupidly nostalgic.. the past few years even the sweetest of memories had turned painful and bitter, but now he can't help but only think of them fondly, even though it distracts him for just a moment enough for Nam Soon to be able to grab a hold of the pillow.

Well, not like it matters. He had his momentary pillow victory here, okay, that's good enough for him to get the other to flail like that.

In fact, Heung Soo even lets go of the thing, as if he's trying to say-- ]


Aigoo, what's wrong? Did I find a weakness after all? [ -- hit him with your best shot, really.

Not like he doesn't know every single one of Nam Soon's weak spots anyway to begin with, but whatever.. this works just fine for teasing the other, and it shows very well from his expression that it's exactly what he's trying to do. It's not like he can do anything else with the strange light feeling that suddenly spread through him other than to channel his relief into something like this. ]
unathletic: (then it's a guy i don't know.)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-15 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Now that is a low blow. So low that it totally distracts Heung Soo in the middle of it all. Because of course he remembers everything that happened back there vividly. Neither of them may have been in teir right minds at that moment, but the memory still lingers.. and that memory is enough to make his eyes widen for a moment and make his cheeks flush, remembering that exact moment he woke up still exposed, remembering just how badly he had wanted Nam Soon to do all that to him...

.. god, it's more embarrassing than anything, despite him having been honest about the fact that he doesn't regret any of it. He doesn't regret it, but that part is definitely hard to fully accept and hear this bastard tease him about yet..

So while he's distracted by his own embarrassment, he's hit square by the pillow, enough to even slightly knock him off balance and onto his ass. ]


Aish, this bastard..! [ DON'T TEASE HIM BY MAKING HIM THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH HE WANTED THAT STUFF, IT'S THE WORST.. he doesn't even dare to move to tackle Nam Soon to the ground since he already knows for sure what memories are going to surface then. So instead he just makes a motion like he's going to flick the other straight onto the forehead, only stopping and not actually doing it at the last moment. It's so obvious that he's embarrassed, it's written all over his face. ]
unathletic: (you take a piece of)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-20 03:26 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Definite asshole.

Because it doesn't even matter anymore that he can tell that Nam Soon is just as embarrassed because of how red his ears are - although seriously, is he really willing to shoot himself in the foot that much with all of this just for the sake of teasing him? - because Heung Soo is really beyond embarrassed right now. Being teased over other stuff is one thing, but this? This is something else entirely, especially when the thoughts of both of them rolling across the floor and desperately touching and kissing each other haven't left his mind yet at all. Or more importantly - everything beyond that. Or everything that almost went beyond that, that he can't file away as neatly (although calling it "neatly" would be a wild exaggeration) as the kissing.

So instead he just punches the other - or.. well, not entirely. He's punching the pillow that Nam Soon is holding, which should cushion most of the blow for his body, making it not all that bad in the end. And Heung Soo just drops himself to sit on the floor next to the other, a completely embarrassed frown on his face. ]


Anyone'd be embarrassed to do that sort of stuff with you, you punk. [ AS IF THAT'S REALLY THE PROBLEM HERE.. but if he can say this stuff out loud instead considering it's easier, then he will. ]
unathletic: (on the great wall of china)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-22 05:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He frowns a little at that, but it's more embarrassment than real anger or annoyance - Nam Soon probably knows, considering he's seen real anger from Heung Soo plenty before. ]

How am I the embarrassing bastard here? [ Excuse you, mister bumping into him like a five year old, mister who initiated the whole thing, mister who was--

No, he's not even going to think of that right now or he's only going to get more and more embarrassed. It's probably better to steer the topic away entirely before he just gets an embarrassing answer he never wanted to that question. ]


I think I liked you better when you were sleeping.
unathletic: (whatever you touch)

[personal profile] unathletic 2014-12-25 12:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Sometimes he really questions the life choices he makes.

Although it's never for long, honestly.. as much as the other is an embarrassing bastard who teases on purpose on top of it a lot of the time, it's not like he could ever really actively dislike or hate Nam Soon. The guy just has to whine a little bit in his direction or flash one of those smiles at him that at first were just really, really weird (when you're used to Tsunami, anyway) at first but then turned out strangely cute - and then Heung Soo already can't find it within his power anymore to actually be mad at the other.

Which is why he's - still slightly annoyed because he's so flustered - shoving Nam Soon to the side a little bit before he moves to lie flat on his back next to him.

Staring at the ceiling is a hell of a lot less embarrassing than staring at that smirk. ]


If you're not going to sleep, then I will. [ He's practically the personification of the "B(" emote at this point.. ]

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